Desperate times require desperate measures. Here is mine. If we have to have a saffron dingbat heading us in 2019, then I vote for <drumroll> the Rapidly Drowning Nuisance that is the newest Chief Minister in India.
The all-knowing internet (*this* one please, not the B.C. one) assures me that my interpretation of the word ‘Viplav’ is indeed correct. It can mean drowning of something in water, a commotion or a nuisance in a state or country that disrupts the peace, among others. Talk about hidden signs. Here we have ones that are staring right in your face.
Why, you may ask? Many reasons!
1) He has hair. This man will not need a transplant. Notably, both Bhogi & Regrown Pate fail this test. Brains could never be a criterion. It is unfair to compare people on something they clearly don’t possess.
2) Knows the difference between Civil & Mechanical engineering. Doubt that Bhogi or
‘Entire Political Science’ degree holders can spot that nuance. Civil guys, congratulations, you’ll have a stable career but Mechanical chaps will have to tie a cow to their Paan stall or they can still apply for H1B.
3) But Trump stands in the way to that. Logical question then is how to tame Trump? If you said a hug then you are living in the past. Not the distant past, mind you, because that was glorious.
Coming back to taming of the shrewd. My dear people, the secret weapon is a killer handshake! You see it got Macron a State Dinner. So, our gym instructor fellow is most up to the task.
4) Amazing knowledge of pre-history. So what if he didn’t bother with the evolution process – he established the fact that we had internet in Mahabharat times. Isn’t it sheer brilliance? In fact, I have it on good authority that he has clinching evidence to disprove recent scientific papers claiming that the Indus valley was not inhabited by Aryans. He will soon publish a wefie of dudes with Swastika tatoos in the Great Bath at Mohenjodaro. This guy can think beyond a 500-year old masjid! The other two dudes are still stuck on an ever-shifting goalpost of Mandir Kabhi Banayenge.
5) That Bhogi fellow just feeds the cows. Our guy thinks beyond. He understands commerce. He also understands entrepreneurship can solve the unemployment problem. He recommends selling of milk. This is another Amul waiting to happen, people! And this time it will be a 100% non-Congressi one, which can then stand up and say you didn’t do anything for 70 years, you White Revolution-types!
6) He may stand at the same place, but he has a higher view. He is taller than 56-inch. So, no loss in gross volume. Maybe, from his higher point of view, he will be able to see more. At least he knows where to look for Tripura without the help of a fancy headgear.
7) Revenge of the north-east. This country has ignored its north-east for a long time. It is payback time. The rest of India needs a broken-Hindi speaking smart Alec kicking their casteist asses. Bonus points – Bangladesh will smile indulgently on the rise of yet another export. Anyway, they are doing much better than India on most development indices – despite being headed by a woman (“She’s a woman, how intelligent can she be?”). But I digress.
8) He is a God. I am not making it up – his name clearly states ‘Deb’. 56-inch is only a king of the humans. Bhogi is twice named. Not sure which one he uses in his janampatri. So, our Deb fellow, with the sanskari name is the new Boss.
9) He likes to talk. Yes, even with Press! Never thought I would see a quieter PM than Dr MMS. But then facts are stranger than fiction. We have a super silent one now. He speaks only in a foreign land or with his minions. BipDeb sorely needs a gag at most times. How delightful! I would rather hear some inane joyful words rather than Bhogi’s ‘nautanki band karo’ orders.
10) If we have to go down, crash and burn, then let’s do it in style. With a young well-built motor-mouth in charge, rather than jaded blokes with unsavoury pasts.
Make sure you vote for NOTA so that BipDeb wins.